New Year, Same Me


Hello there and Happy New Year. Finally, 2017 has arrived and it's looking promising. And not just because some cheeky little monkey did this:


The Guardian

With the proverbial shit sandwich that is 2016 firmly behind us, it's important to reflect on the year ahead and what we can do to make it, altogether, less faecal. Seeing as I'm British, and therefore fated to be imminently fucked by Brexit, I've decided to rage against our exit from the European Union by becoming more cultured than I can possibly fathom. So, this year, my new year's resolutions are decidedly more fancypants than usual:

  1. Learn to play the violin. I've completely forgotten how to read music so, this resolution really begins with learning / re-learning musical theory and then learning the violin.
  2. Learn one European language. Whether it's brushing up on my French, trying to resurrect my Latin or charging at Italian or Spanish from scratch, come March, I want to be able to yell a big Luke Skywalker-like, "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" to Article 50 in something other than English.
  3. Reread the Iliad and The Odyssey. I studied them a while ago but I'd love to go over them again with an adult eye. Not like, a sexy adult eye, just a grown up one.
  4. Learn to make your own pasta. It's so simple and tastes amazing. What have I been doing all this time? Buying it all dried out from the supermarket like a chump, that's what. 
  5. Commit to yoga once a day. I try to do this already but in a typically half arsed and haphazard fashion. But this time, at least 5 minutes every day, no excuses.
  6. Be nicer, kinder, give more to charity. Despite my protestations to the contrary, life isn't all about me. This resolution is an annual standard: give what you can, help when you can, be kind to other people, keep giving to charity. The biggest lesson I've learnt in my life is the value of kindness. Some of my biggest regrets are the careless and unkind things I've said either to or about another person that I can never take back. Your words and your actions hold more power than you know, so don't be a shitty person and learn to wield them with kindness.
  7. Eat more lobster. Because, on the inside, I'm just a Fatty McFat Fat and I need more crustaceans in my gob.

So, there we have it. This time next year, I expect to be a lobster eating, pasta making, extremely bendy philanthropist writer. The next time you see me, I shall be tearing away from you on a moped dressed as Calypso calling out, "ciao, ragazzi" (and other Italian colloquialisms) whilst also somehow playing the violin.


It's going to be an interesting year.







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My Life As An Imposter
Fin.


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